For The Exclusive,
Proma Ajoy Shil
@promz._
Toxic femininity — I know I know, a very sensitive topic especially amongst us women but ladies, c’mon we all know if there’s toxic masculinity there’s a toxic side of our feminism too!
Why should men have all the ‘fun’ right?
Let me give you a quick explanation of what feminism actually is before I start raving about toxic femininity: it's the movement to end sexism and patriarchal standards for women as well as the fight for equality for both genders — YES, for BOTH GENDERS!
The term 'feminism' or 'feminist' is not limited to any one gender, despite common misconceptions. It began as a movement for benefit and equality that all genders should be entitled to.
Moving forward, each of us define and view masculinity, femininity, and other concepts in our own unique ways. By the end of my talk, hopefully, you will have a better knowledge of the detrimental meanings of both.
Now, let’s discuss several manifestations of toxic masculinity. The first is a constrictive definition of manhood that emphasizes aggression, sex, violence, and status. It's the cultural notion of ‘manliness’, in which brute force and sexual aggression are the benchmarks for measuring men's worth, and exhibiting the so-called ‘feminine’ qualities — which can include anything, from being emotionally vulnerable to not being overly sexual — is the way to lose your status as a ‘man’.
What does it really mean “to be a man”? Depends on who we ask, right? Well, the stereotypes say that “a real man” is stoic and unemotional, a protector, one who doesn’t show weakness nor ask for help.
Toxic masculinity uses hyper-masculine traits to harm everyone. It is important to note that the term "toxic masculinity" does not condemn male character nor all masculinity. So, let's flip the coin and see what we mean by "toxic femininity."
Toxic femininity is the societal expectations placed on women about how a woman should be. The cultural construct of ‘womanliness’, which places a high value on pleasing others and views troublemaking as a sign of weakness; where women are praised for their beauty and ability to make men feel good; and where being perceived as having masculine qualities — which can range from being able to express anger to having sexual independence — can be used as a means of devaluing oneself as a ‘woman’.
If men who experience toxic masculinity feel ashamed of their natural tendencies towards tenderness, beauty, sadness, gentleness, or creativity, then women who experience toxic femininity feel ashamed of their natural tendencies towards anger, sexual desires, beauty standards, and social behavior.
A second face of toxic femininity is where women bring other women down by the thought of being superior to other women, being overly and unhealthily competitive and judgmental towards the same gender or the opposite gender. Women who bag on other women for woman-ing differently than they do.
Women who believe that other women who enjoy cooking, having children, and taking care of the house are maintaining outdated gender norms that the patriarchy has imposed. It is extreme toxic femininity to put other women down because of their interests, which don't fit neatly into YOUR definition of feminism. Toxic femininity is blaming your period for being bitchy or a clinically diagnosed sociopath.
Ladies and Ladies, raise your hands if you have ever :
Behaved badly and blamed it on her period- the OG excuse to being a bitch to everyone and then blaming it on PERIODS. Ladies, its hight time we stop doing this.
Coerced a man into sex even though he didn’t seem to really want it and thought you were at liberty to do this because apparently men “always want it” and should feel lucky any time they get it.
Threatened to harm yourself if a man breaks up with you or taken the decision to not see you anymore- knowingly or unknowingly we have done this. I understand that a breakup can be excruciatingly painful for men and women. Where few genuinely feel the need to harm ourselves (c’mon its the mental status of a person at that time), many others on the contrary take this as an opportunity to force their partner into staying with them.
Been physically abusive with a male partner, knowing you’d be unlikely to face any legal consequences - ahhh, writing this makes my blood boil - does everyone remember the epitome of toxic femininity, Amber Heard? Yes! the leading lady of our man Johnny Depp. A lady who abused her husband, mentally and physically, in a case thinking she will not be caught since after all she is a ‘lady’. Many cases especially after the #metoo movement, where women falsely accused men without any regard that this could have an adverse effect on the opposite gender’s mental and emotional health AND women who genuinely faced any case of molestation and abuse will not be served right, like come on after several fake cases who is going to believe one who is actually right.
Ever manipulated a divorce or child custody dispute in your favour by falsely insinuating that a man has been abusive toward you or your child.
Guilty right?
Toxic Femininity is also when women shame women for not wearing makeup, when we snub men and boys under the guise of modern feminism. We don't have to dismantle and destroy everything male in order for women to be equal. That is the very reverse of equality and should offend everyone.
To put it briefly, certain women have the ability to inflict violence on other people. They do it because they’re hateful. They do it because they’re prejudiced. They do it because they’re greedy and selfish. They do it out of desperation. They don't do it to conform society's notion of what makes them ‘feminine’.
Now, what was the question… hmm Is toxic feminity a thing ?
In my opinion, YES!
Both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are detrimental because they put pressure on individuals to conform, when they should really seek to live and relate to others ,truthfully, as their greatest and best selves.
And I rest my case!
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