GREY SKIES - You do not always have to be the sun.

By Tasfia Tafanum 

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Winter is taking way too long to leave and summer seems too far away. Do you miss the sun? Sometimes it feels like you're stuck in one place for a very long time and no matter how many times you try to move on, there's a feeling that always latches onto you. It slowly pulls you down and you're no longer walking, you're numb. When the season shifts, so do we. But what makes it even harder is you know you have to change with time, with the season. 

Some days feel heavy for no reason and because you are so used to knowing it all and being so smart about it, you are stuck in a loop trying to figure out what's missing. Seasonal depression or “the feeling of unexplained sadness” is something we pretend to hide or maybe tie to our worth whenever it hits us like a wave. We treat sadness like a glitch, like a flaw to fix, like a broken mirror that we want to get rid of but in reality it's an armour, a quiet shield for us to heal in silence when the world asks for too much.

Sometimes you don't even realise you're giving your 100% on days when you only had 90. You show up with 50% when your soul is scraping by on 30. It's not a flaw, it's a habit. Because you've been doing it for so long- out of love, out of responsibility, out of the desperate hope that someday, someone might look at you and say “I'm so proud of you”. So when this unexplained sadness hits you, it doesn't come gently like a knock on your door - it breaks the door even if you try to open it slowly.  And this time it's not because the sun is not out, it's because you're buried 6ft deep under all those expectations. As a medical student, as a son, as a daughter, as a friend, a quiet warrior in everybody's life except for your own. And suddenly your body remembers that it's tired, your heart tells you it needs time to take a breather. But you've forgotten how to slow down without feeling guilty, without feeling miserable when you want to rest.

There are times you don’t need to prove anything to the world. You can just say “It’s seasonal. I’ll be fine.” and move on.  

I know you know this too. That this feeling too shall pass. Even if you don’t know the reason why. Even if your chest feels heavy and you cannot name the weight.

And that’s the thing about moments, they don’t last. They are temporary. Even the most painful ones.

So when time slows down and when everything feels numb, maybe it’s not that something is wrong with you. Maybe it’s a whisper asking you to stop rushing. Stop sprinting when your knees are shaking.

Stop giving the world pieces of you when you haven’t even held yourself whole. So just try. 

Try to take a breath. Try to break without guilt. 

And everything will eventually be okay. 

The skies will clear up. It won't be grey anymore. And tomorrow, the light will pour in and you’ll remember what it feels like to be okay again. 

You will be okay again. I promise.